Why We Should Stop Saying "We Prayed About This"

A while back I had a conversation with a leader of another church, and they were sharing with me about a decision that they made with other leaders that left some in their church family unhappy. As they shared the decision with me, I agreed with those in the congregation who were unhappy, however, it was clear to me this individual was not seeking my advice nor my opinion on the matter, so I simply listened. One phrase they said in defense of their decision grabbed my attention. They told those who were unhappy that the leadership had spent a lot of time praying about this decision. They felt that should have placated these people, but it did not. I continued to hold my peace, however, I took note and wanted to write about this when I got some time.

I believe church leaders should lose the phrase, “We prayed about this decision,” and they should do so for three reasons: It is unnecessary, it is manipulative, and most importantly, it is unbiblical. Now, this may surprise you as a reader, that I would say this about a phrase that is used so often but hear me out. Before getting into the reasons, let me say that not everyone who says this intends to be manipulative and unbiblical. In other words, not every pastor or church leader who prefaces an announcement of a decision is thinking that they will manipulate their congregation or that they are going to intentionally violate Biblical principles when they use this phrase. In fact, the vast majority I’m sure see it as benign and use it without thinking much about it. We are, however, to be thoughtful in our speech. With that, let me make the case why church leaders should stop using this phrase.

It is unnecessary

Church leaders telling their church family that they prayed about something is, or at least it should be, a completely unnecessary statement. As believers in Jesus, we are commanded In Scripture to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17) and to pray in all things at all times (Ephesians 6:18). If church leadership is not praying about their decisions, then that church has larger problems than whatever are the implications of this decision. Telling the church that leadership prayed about a matter should be as unnecessary as telling them that they love Jesus or that they believe the Bible. Therefore, when church leaders specifically state about a decision that they spent much time in prayer about it, it is either needless or there is something more going on.

It is manipulative

Now, as I sated above, not everyone who uses this phrase uses it with the intention to manipulate, however, that does not change the fact that it is manipulative. It is not that difficult to see just how manipulative if one places themselves in the shoes of one who disagrees. Perhaps it would be best to illustrate it by setting up a scenario. A church leadership desires to borrow money to do a major renovation to the building. They come to the church body to announce the plan, hoping to get support from the membership. The announcement goes like this, “After bathing this decision in much prayer, the leadership has decided that we should take a loan out so that we can finish this renovation project this year.”

Now, say you are opposed to the church borrowing money, however, to express this opposition, you have to oppose a decision that has been “bathed in much prayer”. Perhaps you are first hearing about this decision just now and have not had any time to pray about it. Do you really want to find yourself opposing church leaders who have been praying for a long time about this decision? Even if you are given a couple of weeks, you still cannot catch up to the time they have probably prayed about this decision. On top of all of this, are you prepared to tell these men that after all of this prayer that they were not listening to the Spirit of God in this matter? We can clearly see how this can have the impact of silencing opposition.

...are you prepared to tell these men that after all of this prayer that they were not listening to the Spirit of God in this matter?

What this phrase effectively does is change the discussion from the subject at hand, whether to borrow money and do this project, to the process of the decision and who is more spiritual to speak to the decision. I am more than willing to say here, once again, that this may not be the intent of church leaders when they use this phrase, but church leaders ought to recognize the impact of this phrase on people and choose to stop using it in order to promote healthy discussion on the matter at hand.

One more point on this matter I need to make, we must stop being mystical about prayer. Praying about something does not mean we made the correct decision. I know people who said they prayed about divorcing their spouse to marry someone else before doing so, but that did not make their decision a God honoring one. God does not answer through mysticism or bless our desires simply because we spoke to Him about the matter, even if we did so earnestly and sincerely. Pray about everything but bear in mind that does not mean your choices are all blessed by God.

It is unbiblical

Listen to the words of our Lord, “And when you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full” (Matthew 6:5, Legacy Standard Bible). Now, church leaders might argue that they are not bragging about their prayer life, however, what then is the purpose of using this phrase? It is up to the church leaders to defend this in light of our Lord’s instruction. Jesus says further, “But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you” (Matthew 6:6). Church leadership should, no, must be men of prayer, but there is no Biblical basis for announcing it to others. Absolutely pray about the matter, but it is unbiblical to share that with everyone.

What then?

Instead of using phrases like this, if leadership has come to the conclusion that a certain decision is best, let them lay out the case to the people they lead why it is best. Let them lay out the Scripture they are basing their decision on. Let them lay out the practical reasons for their decision. Let them open up dialogue and listen to their people, seek to understand if they do end up disagreeing, and perhaps even be willing to change their decisions when they receive more information. Church leaders would do well to understand that their stewardship of leadership does not automatically make them infallible. There is wisdom in many counselors.

At the end of it, though, I thoroughly recognize that not every decision will find unanimous agreement within a church body. If, however, church leaders approach these things with humility, approach these things with love, approach these things seeking to understand, in the end it is more likely the body as a whole will be healthier.